Did you see?

It has been 41 hours and 29 minutes! Can you believe it??? I have had some cravings but overall I am doing really well. I have had a lot of encouragement from my Mom and friends (thanks, Mom, Stacy and everyone at work!). I am a little concerned about this long weekend but I will keep praying and I know I will make it through!

10 1/2 hours and counting...

I am feeling great! I am sure it will get more difficult as the day goes on but I can do this! BUT BY GOD!

Thanks for the encouragement Tammy and Jodi!

****Tomorrow is the Big Day****

I am going to quit smoking tomorrow. Well, technically it will be around 9:30-10:00 tonight but tomorrow is close enough. I am really excited but really nervous as well. Prayers are always appreciated! I know God is with me and will carry me through the coming days no matter how difficult they are as long as I lean on Him.

Where did summer go?

I thought summers were suppose to be nice and relaxing. After this summer I am not so sure about that. So, I hurt my back then we lost a dear friend. Added to that is tons of appointments with my doctor and chiropractor for my back, a consultation to a plastic surgeon for a breast reduction (Tuesday), an appointment with a nutritionist (Wednesday), trying to get to the gym at least 5 times a week, running around buying gifts for what seems like a ton of people, and just being plain busy with many other activities and the same old, same old, work keeping the house in order. I cannot believe tomorrow is the last day of summer school. I cannot believe that I will be working 9 weekdays at my regular job, have a 4 day weekend then go back to school for the school year. I have so much to get done before the start of the school year. I know it will get done I just hope it is done with little stress.

I long for...

Sometimes I long for...

-Seeing a positive pregnancy test
-Seeing my baby's heartbeat on the screen
-Spending money on new clothes because I am getting "so fat" from pregnancy
-Feeling the discomfort of my stomach growing
-Feeling the discomfort of being huge with pregnancy
-A sleepless night because I cannot get comfortable
-Knowing I am in labor and ready to bring my child into the world

Do the women who have these opportunities realize how blessed they are? Do they realize that while they are complaining there are women that would give just about anything to feel the "discomforts" of pregnancy? Do they realize these women who long to be pregnant would welcome all the "discomforts"?

Other times I long for...
-Dirty diapers
-Being woken at night by a crying baby
-Tons of laundry
-Taking forever to get ready to go somewhere because there is a baby and all the stuff to go along with it
-Seeing my baby smile
-Cleaning my babies face after it has gotten food all over
...so many more things.

Again...do the women that complain about the above realize how many women would give almost anything for those things? Do they realize how blessed they are?

Wayne

Life...you can be rolling through with everything going well then in a moment your life can change. Tragedy strikes. On Wednesday, June 16, 2008, our dear friend and best man in our wedding died tragically by his own hands. It breaks my heart to write that and brings even more tears to my eyes. How does one's life spiral downward so fast? How does one lose hope and see no other end? I don't understand. The one thing I understand is that a piece of my heart is gone and won't ever be the same again.

Wayne-

Dustin and I loved you so much! We were here for you! We offered our house as a safe haven for as long as you needed. We offered our ears to listen to you, our arms to hug you, and anything we could do for you in order to help you, everything that is ours would have been shared with you because we cared so very, very much. I don't understand why you could not accept that from us. I don't understand why you chose to end your own life instead of letting us help you.

Did you have any idea how much we would miss you? Did you have any idea how this would tear our hearts in two? Did you know how terribly difficult this would be for us, especially Dustin?

You are one of the best men I have known in my life. You truly cared about others. You would do anything for anyone at anytime. You had an infectious smile and a great sense of humor. You were a wonderful friend. You had such talents...especially the cars you spent hours and hours overhauling, the postal jeep that is amazing. You were just plain awesome.

I know we will get through this tough time but we will never forget you. You impacted our lives. I see you sitting on our couch. I see you working on our roof. I see you grinding away at yet another piece of metal. I see you sitting on our picnic table. I see you smiling. I see you laughing. I see you standing at my door the morning I married Dustin with a huge smile. I see you so emotional right before our wedding that people thought you were going to hyperventilate. I see you sitting there drinking a Mountain Dew. I see you dancing with Ky. I see you dancing with Dustin and my Dad at our wedding. I see you at Lights on the Lake and then Outback afterwards, what a great night that was. I see you in so many places.

I wish I could turn back time and know what I know now but that is not to be. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you I love you one more time but that is not to be either. I want to hear your voice and see your face, in person, not on a video or in a picture.

I pray you are at peace. I pray your pain is gone.

I miss and love you, Wayne!