Session 1: Hello! My name is Stephanie and I am an enabler and food addict

Did that make your eyes bug out? Imagine my thoughts and the look on my face when I was told this, not in a mean way but in counseling. I went to my first counseling appointment today. I was so nervous! I had sweaty palms, my heart was racing and I thought I was going to be sick. The nerves were not worth it...things went great and I can't wait to go back. I had to give a lot of background during this session. I talked about my past with Dustin, my family and his family. While talking my counselor, whom I will call M, gave me some feedback. His feedback was very interesting. Of course some of the things he said I already knew but it was nice to have it affirmed by someone else. So in a nutshell:

- I am an enabler.
- I feel like I have to be perfect in performance but don't take care of "me" meaning my emotions.
- I am nurturing which is great in my profession but does not work in a marriage such as mine.
- I figure if everyone around me is OK then I have to be OK so I take care of others and ignore myself. I knew this but he reaffirmed this.
- I don't have to be afraid of the future but in order to never again fall into this "trap" I need to begin thinking about and taking care of me.
- It is OK to ask help and I need to but to do so goes completely against the person I am.

There was so much more but that is it in, as I said, a nutshell and I don't want to get into some of it publicly because it is not about me per se. EXCEPT for the food addiction...

At the end of our session he said I have one more question. He said it is the end of our session so I could walk out of there and never come back if you want. Then came the question. What does your weight have to do with the kind of person you are. At first I was like, this guy is saying I am fat. After listening to him I don't think that at all but honestly, at first, I was offended as I am sure many would be. I didn't know the answer but he did. Basically I eat and am "addicted" (I use that word loosely) to food because it is a way to ease my tension, to make myself feel better and to hide my emotions. Interesting and I can't say that he is wrong. Of course he compelled me to go back. Not that I needed compelling because I didn't and would have gone back anyway.

M gave me a chapter from a book to read before our next session. Interesting that he had it sitting out and just had to go copy it. Did he "know" me before he met me?

My next appointment is September 21. I am really looking forward to it.

By the way...I only cried twice...when I talked about my miscarriage and when I talked about my Grandma passing away in February. I told him that I have not been crying that much...only when I am at my breaking point. It seems as if I am blocking my feelings off and keeping them hidden.

**I should add, for those of you who don't know, I am currently separated from my husband. He is taking some time to decide if he wants to be married to me.

Where do I go from here?

The last 10 days I have dealt with a betrayal that has shaken me to my core, a betrayal I thought I would never feel. A betrayal that brought more pain to me than I ever thought was possible. A betrayal that has put many questions into my mind. The biggest question being...where do I go from here? I can choose to let this pain make me bitter or I can choose to grow from it. I choose to grow. It is certainly not an easy task but one that I can do with God by my side.

Pain is not the only thing I have felt the last 10 days. I have felt the security of friends and family. I have felt support and love from so many. Many, many more than I thought was possible. God certainly knows what I have needed and He has provided. Often over the last 10 days have I need comforted knowing God was with me along with all the others. The poem Footprints in the Sand has come to mind more times than I could even count.

Footprints
One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

~ Mary Stevenson

A reminder to us all that God is with us...no matter the time, no matter the place, no matter the circumstances.

Hebrews 13:5 . . . God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Mickey Mantle

Mickey Mantle is a name I learned from my Mom, an avid Yankees fan. When she was a young girl her Dad would take her to Yankees games where she saw Mickey Mantle play.

Who was Mickey Mantle? He...

- lived from October 20, 1931 – August 13, 1995
- died on August 13, 1995 at the age of 64 from liver cancer
- was inducted into the National Baseball Hall of Fame in 1974
- played his entire 18 years of major league baseball for the New York Yankees
- played in 12 World Series games
- longest official home run: 565 feet
- Most World Series Home Runs: 18
- Most World Series RBIs: 40
- Most World Series Runs Scored: 42
- Most World Series Total Bases: 123
- Most World Series Walks: 43
- Most World Series Strikeouts: 54
- Most At-Bats for the Yankees: 8,102
- Most Games Played for the Yankees: 2,401
- Debuted for the Yankees on April 17, 1951 and played his last game on September 9, 1965
- In 1956 when he won the Triple Crown, Male Athlete of the Year award, the American League MVP award by a unanimous vote and the Player of the Year award
- it is said he was an alcoholic

What is often not heard about Mickey Mantle is that before his death he became a born-again Christian because of the ministering from Bobby Richardson. When he was asked what reason he would give God to let him into heaven his reply was John 3:16..."For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

As I was driving to work Thursday, the anniversary of Mickey Mantle's death, I heard about his Change on FLN. Tears filled my eyes and goosebumps plastered my body. How amazing that someday I will meet Mickey Mantle in heaven. How amazing (in a sad way) is it that he becoming a Christian is not more widely publicized.

While I was researching this I found an article written by David R. Currie after Mickey Mantle passed away. The title? Mickey Mantle's Greatest Homer (http://www.txbc.org/1995Journals/October%201995/Oct95MickeyMantle.htm). Here it is in its entirety:

MICKEY MANTLE’S GREATEST HOMER
by David R. Currie,
Coordinator

NBC sportscaster Bob Costas had the privilege of delivering the eulogy at the funeral of Mickey Mantle. Shortly into his eulogy, he said,

“I guess I’m here, not so much to speak for myself as to simply represent the millions of baseball-loving kids who grew up in the ’50s and ’60s and for whom Mickey Mantle was baseball.

“And more than that, he was a presence in our lives — a fragile hero to whom we had an emotional attachment so strong and lasting that it defied logic.”

He certainly represented me. It may not be logical but I saw Mickey Mantle play one time. We went to the All-Star game in Houston in 1968, his last year. Tom Seaver struck him out. I was three rows from the top of the Astrodome. I joined the standing ovation. I cried. I saw Mickey Mantle bat.

Two Christmas’s ago, my wonderful niece Kim and her husband Steve gave me a plaque with an 8x10 picture of Mickey Mantle, a baseball card, and the inscription “Mickey Mantle, 536 lifetime homers.” When I opened the gift, I started crying. It has hung in my office since that day.

When Mickey Mantle died, I cried off and on for two days. There is not a logical explanation, and I do not care to have one if there is. As far back as I can remember (I was born in 1952), Mickey Mantle was a daily part of my life until he retired in 1968. I loved the Yankees. My sister and Uncle Willard loved the Dodgers. That made us mortal enemies nearly every October. Show her videos today of Roy Campenella, Duke Snider, Gil Hodges, and Pee Wee Reese and you can watch an otherwise sensible 48 year old woman cry. It probably has something to do with our Daddy and his love for baseball.

Mickey Mantle remained my hero through the years (even after I thought it was wrong to have heroes unless they were your parents, teachers, preachers, etc.), despite the stories I heard of his life-style. I can tolerate people’s struggles. It is self-righteous pharisees that bug me. I did transfer a strong allegiance to Bobby Murcer with the Yankees, and still recall standing and cheering on my seat in Ranger stadium when he homered in the early ’70s. And I still have the newspaper clipping of the night game he played on the day he spoke at Thurman Munsan’s funeral. The Yankees won 5-4. Murcer drove in 5 runs!

I think it is silly to collect autographs. Saying that, I have a baseball signed by Mickey Mantle, and another signed by Bobby Murcer. Ross Perot does not have enough money to purchase those from me!

If you did not see Mickey Mantle’s funeral on TV, let me tell you when I really cried. Bobby Richardson, former Yankee second baseman, and teammate of Mickey Mantle, preached the message. In several of Mantle’s books he wrote of Richardson’s Christian commitment and his admiration of him.

Bobby Richardson told of Oct. 2, 1966, when he invited a speaker for the Yankee chapel. (I did chapel services for the Rangers and Tigers one time. Sparky Anderson listened well.)

Bobby said the speaker told the Yankees that they all had a problem that the Bible described as sin. And the Bible also gave the answer, Jesus Christ. Finally he said the Bible demanded a decision regarding what every person is going to do with Jesus.

Then he said there were three possible answers: yes, no, and maybe. And maybe, because of the X factor of death, really was a no answer.

Bobby Richardson told that funeral crowd of Governors, actors and baseball Hall of Famers, that every one of them needed to answer the question of “what they had done with Jesus Christ, who wanted to be their personal Lord and Savior.”

Then he spoke about Mickey Mantle. He told of praying with Mickey over the phone. And finally he told the crowd about when Mickey told him he had accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. And when Richardson’s wife asked Mickey what reason he would give God to let him in Heaven, Mickey quickly quoted John 3:16.

To say I cried would be an understatement! I cried tears of joy. Mickey Mantle is with my Daddy, and Uncle Floy, and Uncle Willard, and so many people I care about. And someday, although I never met Mickey Mantle on earth, I will meet him. What a glorious day that will be. I expect my Dad to introduce us!

Mickey Mantle hit 536 home runs. He batted in 1,509 runs. He hit 18 World Series home runs, a record that will never be broken (trust me on that). But the most important thing he ever did was accept Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. That was his “greatest homer.”

And it should challenge us to think about our loved ones and friends who may not know Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, and tell them the Good News. That would be Mickey’s greatest legacy, that those of us who loved him made sure others we loved, came to know Jesus.

We should also honor him by being an organ donor. Christians should be the first to sign up to share our gifts with others.

I leave you with a few questions. These I also ask of myself.

- Am I ministering to others in order to bring them to Faith in God?
- Does my life show each day that I am a Christian? Am I a shining light for God?
- Do I pray and submerse myself in the Bible so my walk with God becomes greater and greater? Also so that I may readily share my Faith with others?

I wish I could answer a 100% yes to those questions but I can't. I need to strive to be a better follower of God, a better teller of the truth. Where are you in your walk with God? What changes do you need to make?



Websites used/mentioned:
http://www.mickey-mantle.com/
http://www.fln.org/
http://www.txbc.org/1995Journals/October%201995/Oct95MickeyMantle.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mickey_Mantle

Tomorrow is the big day!

Shawn will be moving tomorrow. Please keep him as well as all of us in your prayers. Thanks!

Women of Faith Conference: A Grand New Day Part 1-Getting There

About 6 months ago I heard about the WOF conference in Rochester on FLN. I emailed my Mom and asked her if she wanted to go. Of course she said yes. We purchased tickets through FLN so we could take a bus. Our hotel was included as were some meals. I didn't realize how wonderful this conference would be. I didn't realize how much it would touch my heart. While there was a lot to take in and my memory cannot hold it all I know my heart soaked it up. Over the next few days and weeks I will be blogging about my experience at the WOF conference.

As many know I don't like to rush around in the morning. I prefer to have a few extra minutes to sit down, have some coffee and "play" on the computer. I got up bright and early on Friday morning (3:55 am) to get ready to leave at 5 because I had to drive the 1 1/2 hours to Painted Post to meet the bus. Yes, I drove 1 1/2 hours to get on a bus for another 1 1/2 hours for a trip that would have taken me 45 - 60 minutes to make from home. I did it so I didn't have to drive in the Rochester traffic but more so to spend additional time with my Mom. I left the house at 4:55 feeling good about leaving early enough and having time for a cup of coffee. I had intentions to stop and get McDonald's for breakfast and to go to the bathroom so I would not have to go on the bus. Well, the best laid plans often go awry. As I was driving down 414 right after Lodi I encountered a problem, a potentially big problem. God had me in His hands and protected me though. Cruising along (but not going much over the speed limit as I sometimes tend to do) all of a sudden 2 deer popped out. I slammed on the breaks (everything in the car went flying), squealed my tires and watched as the first deer stopped then tried hard to get her footing to get out of my way. It was then I heard that sick thump. Thankfully, it was not a loud thump but a softer one. Yep, I hit the deer. My first thought was "Great, here I have this 2 days planned and now it is messed up." The deer ran off. I am quite sure I did not hit it hard enough to kill it which I am very thankful for. I pulled over, grabbed my cell phone and got out of the Jeep. Walking to the front of the Jeep expecting the worst I dialed Dustin. Of course he was still sleeping so didn't answer. I looked at my Jeep and saw that I had broken the left turn signal cover (but not the bulb) and broken a piece of plastic off my bumper (had it been metal probably nothing would have happened). I called my Dad. He said to call 911 so I did. The woman was so nice and said she would send someone. That is when I really felt crestfallen. Great, State Troopers are always busy. I just knew they were going to take forever and I was not going to make the bus. I then remembered the fire siren that was going off a few miles before in Ovid...another sunken heart...everyone would be at whatever that was. Dad went to tell Mom I might be late. I told her not to hold the bus I would just drive up. I sat there for what seemed like forever but was actually only about 10 minutes. I was on the verge of tears because I thought for sure my plans were ruined. Oh ye of little faith! After about 15 minutes I saw lights in my rear view mirror. The State Trooper was there!!! It didn't take forever. While I was sitting there I looked for my registration and insurance card. My heart feel once again when I realized I did not have a current card. Great, a ticket too. The State Trooper was so nice. He took my information (told me not to worry about an insurance card because when he ran my information it would show if I had insurance) and went back to his car. A few minutes later he came back with my accident report. I thanked him profusely telling him I was meeting a bus. Of course he made a joke about how far out of the way I was going. I told him I was meeting and spending the weekend with my Mom. I thought were were done when he pulled out a black book and said "one more thing, I have to give you a ticket for killing a deer" (I had mentioned earlier I was more worried about the deer than my Jeep because I love animals.). I immediately started laughing and said "I didn't kill it!!" He said, "ok, a ticket for assault then." We laughed and he told me to have a nice day. What a nice gentleman he was. I looked at the clock. It was nearing 6:30. I knew that I need to get moving in order to catch the bus. Then it hit me...I absolutely had to go to the bathroom. If anyone has ever traveled 414 between Ovid and Watkins Glen you know bathrooms are limited at 6:15 in the morning. Thankfully I made it to Walmart and made a quick trip. My Mom had called me on a cell phone of someone we know so I returned the call to let them know where I was. A little while later at 7:03 I pulled in to meet the bus. Thank you, Lord! Why hadn't I trusted you? Again, oh ye of little faith! I boarded the bus and a few hours later we were in Rochester being dropped off at the Blue Cross Arena.

Stay tuned for part 2!



Not bad at all but probably expensive since we have to replace the entire bumper!

My Flowers

As many of you know I planting and taking care of my flowers. I take great pride in them. Here are some pics I have taken of my first blooms. I wish you all could come see them in person as they are so much more beautiful!

My Clematis:


My bucket: The orange flowers open when it is sunny out. The centers are purple.


Dustin, our fisherman, Cranesbill Geranium and Hostas


Pom Pom Flower (Alum)


Columbine


Tiki Torch Coneflower (are much more orange in person)


Iris