The last 2 weeks...

have been crazy in the Roach household to say the least. Let me fill you in. I am going to use phrases and dates to make it easier for me to write since so much has gone on.

Sunday, November 1
- 4:00pm went to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch part of the Viking-Green Bay game
- Got home around 6:00pm
- 7:00pm Dustin starts to feel sick

Monday, November 2
- Dustin wakes up very ill, he goes to the doctors and finds out he has swine flu

Tuesday, November 3
- Stephanie wakes up achy but goes to work. Within 45 minutes of being there she is sick so she goes to the nurse. The nurse sends her home.
- 11:45 Stephanie goes to the doctor's and is much sicker, can barely move, fever and a lot of breathing difficulties; swine flu and pneumonia

Wednesday, November 4
- Stephanie is so sick she cannot move or talk. She is very achy but cannot catch her breathe even if she only rolls over in bed. Thank God Dustin is feeling a little better because Stephanie is prescribed a nebulizer and someone had to go pick up the medicine. Dustin is also able to meet the man bringing the nebulizer and learn how to use it.

Thursday, November 5
- Dustin returns to work even though he is not 100%.
- Stephanie still very sick.

Friday, November 6
- Dustin works.
- Stephanie is still very sick.

Saturday, November 7
- Dustin is feeling well.
- Stephanie still in bed all day.

Sunday, November 8
- A lazy day watching football. Stephanie is able to get out of bed and do a few chores.
- 10:45pm Stephanie is in bed trying to get some sleep because she needs to go to work the next day. Dustin calls her down and tells her his left side and arm are numb. He also has tingling in his neck and jaw. Stephanie tells him he needs to go to the hospital because it sounds like a heart attack. Dustin refuses.
- 11:15pm Dustin calls Stephanie downstairs again. He says he is having chest pains. Stephanie tries to get him to go to ER, he refuses. They argue and she goes back to bed but can't sleep because she is worried.
- 11:45pm Dustin calls Stephanie back down. He is at the bottom of the stairs on his knees holding his chest. He calls Mike (the Chief at the fire department, a friend and an EMT). Mike tells Dustin he needs to call 911. Dustin gets off the phone and tells Stephanie Mike said he needs to go to the hospital (doesn't mention ambulance even though that is what Stephanie was thinking. She listened to him because he was so nasty. Never again...she will call 911.)
- The ride to the Auburn ER was terrible. Dustin was yelling at Stephanie for how fast she was driving and for stopping at red lights then going through them. Alternating from yelling he is saying he is having a heart attack.

Monday, November 9
- 12:10am We arrived at the hospital. They immediately take Dustin in, hook him up to EKG (one of his fellow firemen was working the EKG machine), put 2 IVs in him and other machines. The give him nitroglycerin and some other pills. His chest pains start to subside.
- 12:30am The ER doctor says Dustin is going to Upstate Hospital in Syracuse because they think he had a heart attack. He will go by ambulance; lights and siren. The plan is for Dustin to have a heart cath as soon as he arrives in Syracuse.
- 12:50am TLC takes Dustin.
- 2:00am Stephanie arrives at Upstate with Dustin's Mom. They are greeted by the doctor called in. He said the EKG and echo-cardiogram doesn't show anything wrong with Dustin's heart so they are not going to do the cath. However, he is being admitted. They believe he might have fluid around his heart from the flu.
- 6:00am The first set of blood work comes back. There is high level of an enzyme that signifies damage to the heart. If it continues to increase a cath will need to be done.
- 8:00am The doctor comes to see Dustin. They decision is made, a cath will be done. They estimate it will be done at 11 or a little after.
- 10:30am Dustin is headed to the cath lab. His second set of blood work comes back with an increase in the enzyme signifying something damaged his heart. They say that is everything is fine the cath should take about 45 minutes. However, if they are going to repair something it will take more like 1 1/2 hours.
- 11:35am Dustin and Stephanie's friend, Jen arrives at the hospital. In her heart Stephanie knows the cath has taken too long and there is something wrong but her head won't believe it.
- 11:50am The doctor comes out. He bluntly states that Dustin had a heart attack last night. Stephanie loses it, hyperventilating and sobbing. The doctor does not have very good bedside manners. He told her she needs to concentrate and listen, not giving her any time to compose herself. Thank God for Jen who helps Stephanie calm down.
- Noon Dustin comes out of the cath, looks drained and just keeps saying "I had a heart attack".
- The rest of the day is fairly uneventful compared to the last 12 hours. Stephanie has to leave at 8pm because of state laws regarding spread of H1N1. At 8:20 she leaves a sobbing mess. Her parents are still there so they go out to dinner. Jen is spending the night with her so she doesn't have to be alone.
- 11:45pm Stephanie finally gets to bed for the first time since Sunday morning.

Tuesday, November 10
- 5:15am Stephanie is up. Jen and Stephanie clean the house and prepare a bed for Dustin.
- 9:00am Stephanie arrives at the hospital.
- 10:15am Dustin is released. On the way home they stop to get his prescriptions and some healthy food.
- 12:15pm Finally home but it was very rough and emotional for Dustin. They both settle in for a nap.

Wednesday, November 11
- Another emotional day. Stephanie is feeling sick again but Dustin is doing well physically.

Thursday, November 12
- Stephanie tries to go to work but goes home because she is so sick. Dustin is doing ok. Keith comes to spend a few hours with him.

Friday, November 13
- Stephanie goes to the doctor. She has bronchitis deep in her lungs and is put on prednisone. Dustin spends part of the day with Keith.
- 9:45pm Stephanie is at Auburn Hospital for her sleep study.

Saturday, November 14
- 5:40am Stephanie returns home from her sleep study (she is told she snores like a truck driver :D )and goes back to bed. She sleeps late, goes and gets groceries then takes a nap. Dustin and Stephanie spend the evening together. Dustin is feeling better physically and emotionally although his emotions come out every once in a while.

Sunday, November 15
- Stephanie continues to feel better. Her parents and brother come for lunch. Dustin goes to hang out with one of his friends.

The last 2 weeks have been insane, especially Dustin's heart attack. Nobody ever would have guessed that he would have one at the age of 30 and appearing to be healthy. We did find out today that his Grandfather does of a heart attack at 40 and his Grandma's brother died of a heart attack at 21.

I am so thankful that God has carried us through the last 2 weeks. We wouldn't have made it through without Him. I am thankful he spared Dustin and is allowing him more time on earth. I am thankful for all my friends and family that rallied around us, prayed for us and helped us through. Cherish each moment you have with your family and friends. Don't take anything for granted. Life is short. Love God and praise Him for all the blessings he has given you!

Why is it so hard?

I had a rough counseling session today. The first session I had a few tears but this session they were more like a flood. I know I need to take care of myself but it is so hard to get there. I asked my counselor why it is so hard. He said it is because of the things that have been ingrained in my head for 33 years. I told him I think I am just plain lazy. He said I don't think you are lazy you are just afraid; afraid of what I could lose and afraid of being successful but at the same time afraid of failing. At that I started laughing. Of course I had to agree with him. I know one day this will all fall into place as long as I keep working and focus on the goal. It is so hard to be patient!

Session 2: Homework

I had my second session of counseling tonight. It went very well. We talked about the things that have happened since my first session and my feelings about them. Then we started in on how I am going to start taking care of my house. This short 45 minute conversation led to a long list of homework for me! I am to work on myself and report back at my next session. I thought my days of getting homework were over but I guess I was wrong! :D

My homework:
1. Start exercising and eating better
2. Start going to church more often
3. Start doing a daily devotional every morning
4. Clean my bedroom
5. Set up my scrapbooking area
6. Work on cleaning the rest of the house

It doesn't seem like a long list but it really is. These are all things I need to do to take care of myself. They are things I, along with the help of M, identified. Stay tuned for how I am doing on these tasks!

Session 1: Hello! My name is Stephanie and I am an enabler and food addict

Did that make your eyes bug out? Imagine my thoughts and the look on my face when I was told this, not in a mean way but in counseling. I went to my first counseling appointment today. I was so nervous! I had sweaty palms, my heart was racing and I thought I was going to be sick. The nerves were not worth it...things went great and I can't wait to go back. I had to give a lot of background during this session. I talked about my past with Dustin, my family and his family. While talking my counselor, whom I will call M, gave me some feedback. His feedback was very interesting. Of course some of the things he said I already knew but it was nice to have it affirmed by someone else. So in a nutshell:

- I am an enabler.
- I feel like I have to be perfect in performance but don't take care of "me" meaning my emotions.
- I am nurturing which is great in my profession but does not work in a marriage such as mine.
- I figure if everyone around me is OK then I have to be OK so I take care of others and ignore myself. I knew this but he reaffirmed this.
- I don't have to be afraid of the future but in order to never again fall into this "trap" I need to begin thinking about and taking care of me.
- It is OK to ask help and I need to but to do so goes completely against the person I am.

There was so much more but that is it in, as I said, a nutshell and I don't want to get into some of it publicly because it is not about me per se. EXCEPT for the food addiction...

At the end of our session he said I have one more question. He said it is the end of our session so I could walk out of there and never come back if you want. Then came the question. What does your weight have to do with the kind of person you are. At first I was like, this guy is saying I am fat. After listening to him I don't think that at all but honestly, at first, I was offended as I am sure many would be. I didn't know the answer but he did. Basically I eat and am "addicted" (I use that word loosely) to food because it is a way to ease my tension, to make myself feel better and to hide my emotions. Interesting and I can't say that he is wrong. Of course he compelled me to go back. Not that I needed compelling because I didn't and would have gone back anyway.

M gave me a chapter from a book to read before our next session. Interesting that he had it sitting out and just had to go copy it. Did he "know" me before he met me?

My next appointment is September 21. I am really looking forward to it.

By the way...I only cried twice...when I talked about my miscarriage and when I talked about my Grandma passing away in February. I told him that I have not been crying that much...only when I am at my breaking point. It seems as if I am blocking my feelings off and keeping them hidden.

**I should add, for those of you who don't know, I am currently separated from my husband. He is taking some time to decide if he wants to be married to me.

Where do I go from here?

The last 10 days I have dealt with a betrayal that has shaken me to my core, a betrayal I thought I would never feel. A betrayal that brought more pain to me than I ever thought was possible. A betrayal that has put many questions into my mind. The biggest question being...where do I go from here? I can choose to let this pain make me bitter or I can choose to grow from it. I choose to grow. It is certainly not an easy task but one that I can do with God by my side.

Pain is not the only thing I have felt the last 10 days. I have felt the security of friends and family. I have felt support and love from so many. Many, many more than I thought was possible. God certainly knows what I have needed and He has provided. Often over the last 10 days have I need comforted knowing God was with me along with all the others. The poem Footprints in the Sand has come to mind more times than I could even count.

Footprints
One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

~ Mary Stevenson

A reminder to us all that God is with us...no matter the time, no matter the place, no matter the circumstances.

Hebrews 13:5 . . . God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Mickey Mantle

Mickey Mantle is a name I learned from my Mom, an avid Yankees fan. When she was a young girl her Dad would take her to Yankees games where she saw Mickey Mantle play.

Who was Mickey Mantle? He...

- lived from October 20, 1931 – August 13, 1995
- died on August 13, 1995 at the age of 64 from liver cancer
- was inducted into the National Baseball Hall of Fame in 1974
- played his entire 18 years of major league baseball for the New York Yankees
- played in 12 World Series games
- longest official home run: 565 feet
- Most World Series Home Runs: 18
- Most World Series RBIs: 40
- Most World Series Runs Scored: 42
- Most World Series Total Bases: 123
- Most World Series Walks: 43
- Most World Series Strikeouts: 54
- Most At-Bats for the Yankees: 8,102
- Most Games Played for the Yankees: 2,401
- Debuted for the Yankees on April 17, 1951 and played his last game on September 9, 1965
- In 1956 when he won the Triple Crown, Male Athlete of the Year award, the American League MVP award by a unanimous vote and the Player of the Year award
- it is said he was an alcoholic

What is often not heard about Mickey Mantle is that before his death he became a born-again Christian because of the ministering from Bobby Richardson. When he was asked what reason he would give God to let him into heaven his reply was John 3:16..."For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

As I was driving to work Thursday, the anniversary of Mickey Mantle's death, I heard about his Change on FLN. Tears filled my eyes and goosebumps plastered my body. How amazing that someday I will meet Mickey Mantle in heaven. How amazing (in a sad way) is it that he becoming a Christian is not more widely publicized.

While I was researching this I found an article written by David R. Currie after Mickey Mantle passed away. The title? Mickey Mantle's Greatest Homer (http://www.txbc.org/1995Journals/October%201995/Oct95MickeyMantle.htm). Here it is in its entirety:

MICKEY MANTLE’S GREATEST HOMER
by David R. Currie,
Coordinator

NBC sportscaster Bob Costas had the privilege of delivering the eulogy at the funeral of Mickey Mantle. Shortly into his eulogy, he said,

“I guess I’m here, not so much to speak for myself as to simply represent the millions of baseball-loving kids who grew up in the ’50s and ’60s and for whom Mickey Mantle was baseball.

“And more than that, he was a presence in our lives — a fragile hero to whom we had an emotional attachment so strong and lasting that it defied logic.”

He certainly represented me. It may not be logical but I saw Mickey Mantle play one time. We went to the All-Star game in Houston in 1968, his last year. Tom Seaver struck him out. I was three rows from the top of the Astrodome. I joined the standing ovation. I cried. I saw Mickey Mantle bat.

Two Christmas’s ago, my wonderful niece Kim and her husband Steve gave me a plaque with an 8x10 picture of Mickey Mantle, a baseball card, and the inscription “Mickey Mantle, 536 lifetime homers.” When I opened the gift, I started crying. It has hung in my office since that day.

When Mickey Mantle died, I cried off and on for two days. There is not a logical explanation, and I do not care to have one if there is. As far back as I can remember (I was born in 1952), Mickey Mantle was a daily part of my life until he retired in 1968. I loved the Yankees. My sister and Uncle Willard loved the Dodgers. That made us mortal enemies nearly every October. Show her videos today of Roy Campenella, Duke Snider, Gil Hodges, and Pee Wee Reese and you can watch an otherwise sensible 48 year old woman cry. It probably has something to do with our Daddy and his love for baseball.

Mickey Mantle remained my hero through the years (even after I thought it was wrong to have heroes unless they were your parents, teachers, preachers, etc.), despite the stories I heard of his life-style. I can tolerate people’s struggles. It is self-righteous pharisees that bug me. I did transfer a strong allegiance to Bobby Murcer with the Yankees, and still recall standing and cheering on my seat in Ranger stadium when he homered in the early ’70s. And I still have the newspaper clipping of the night game he played on the day he spoke at Thurman Munsan’s funeral. The Yankees won 5-4. Murcer drove in 5 runs!

I think it is silly to collect autographs. Saying that, I have a baseball signed by Mickey Mantle, and another signed by Bobby Murcer. Ross Perot does not have enough money to purchase those from me!

If you did not see Mickey Mantle’s funeral on TV, let me tell you when I really cried. Bobby Richardson, former Yankee second baseman, and teammate of Mickey Mantle, preached the message. In several of Mantle’s books he wrote of Richardson’s Christian commitment and his admiration of him.

Bobby Richardson told of Oct. 2, 1966, when he invited a speaker for the Yankee chapel. (I did chapel services for the Rangers and Tigers one time. Sparky Anderson listened well.)

Bobby said the speaker told the Yankees that they all had a problem that the Bible described as sin. And the Bible also gave the answer, Jesus Christ. Finally he said the Bible demanded a decision regarding what every person is going to do with Jesus.

Then he said there were three possible answers: yes, no, and maybe. And maybe, because of the X factor of death, really was a no answer.

Bobby Richardson told that funeral crowd of Governors, actors and baseball Hall of Famers, that every one of them needed to answer the question of “what they had done with Jesus Christ, who wanted to be their personal Lord and Savior.”

Then he spoke about Mickey Mantle. He told of praying with Mickey over the phone. And finally he told the crowd about when Mickey told him he had accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. And when Richardson’s wife asked Mickey what reason he would give God to let him in Heaven, Mickey quickly quoted John 3:16.

To say I cried would be an understatement! I cried tears of joy. Mickey Mantle is with my Daddy, and Uncle Floy, and Uncle Willard, and so many people I care about. And someday, although I never met Mickey Mantle on earth, I will meet him. What a glorious day that will be. I expect my Dad to introduce us!

Mickey Mantle hit 536 home runs. He batted in 1,509 runs. He hit 18 World Series home runs, a record that will never be broken (trust me on that). But the most important thing he ever did was accept Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. That was his “greatest homer.”

And it should challenge us to think about our loved ones and friends who may not know Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, and tell them the Good News. That would be Mickey’s greatest legacy, that those of us who loved him made sure others we loved, came to know Jesus.

We should also honor him by being an organ donor. Christians should be the first to sign up to share our gifts with others.

I leave you with a few questions. These I also ask of myself.

- Am I ministering to others in order to bring them to Faith in God?
- Does my life show each day that I am a Christian? Am I a shining light for God?
- Do I pray and submerse myself in the Bible so my walk with God becomes greater and greater? Also so that I may readily share my Faith with others?

I wish I could answer a 100% yes to those questions but I can't. I need to strive to be a better follower of God, a better teller of the truth. Where are you in your walk with God? What changes do you need to make?



Websites used/mentioned:
http://www.mickey-mantle.com/
http://www.fln.org/
http://www.txbc.org/1995Journals/October%201995/Oct95MickeyMantle.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mickey_Mantle