Christmas 2008

I love Christmas! What do I love most about Christmas? Family!!! I love my family. I love that we are close. I love that we get along. Christmas is the day Jesus was born which makes it very special. Family adds to it. This year we were blessed to be back at the home I ate Christmas breakfast at for years and years. We did not have Christmas breakfast there in 2006 or 2007. Instead, we had family at my parents' house. That was nice but not the same. The home was my Grandma Lundgren's home. She passed away in November 2006. Her house was purchased and remodeled by my cousin, Tara. This year she continued the tradition of having breakfast there. We had the same menu and it was a wonderful morning. Dustin, my Mom, Dad, brother, uncle, aunt, cousin, her daughter and boyfriend, my other cousin, her husband and their two kids were there. It was a wonderful time of food, family and laughter. We also went to my Grandparents house for lunch. We have done this as long as I can remember. Dustin, my mom, dad, brother, uncle, grandma and grandpa were there. Again, food, family and laughter. We were also able to spend time with my Aunt Linda and Uncle Harold, Aunt Shirley and Uncle Harry, Aunt Karen, Uncle David and their family, also my Aunt Jean. The day after Christmas we spent with my mother-in-law, Diana, my father-in-law, Darrel, my sister-in-law, Dawna, her boyfriend Erik and my niece, Alaina. I am so thankful for this Christmas. I don't know what the next year will bring but I am glad I will have the memory of this Christmas to hold in my heart forever.

I saw on another blog Christmas favorites so I thought I would post some of mine.

Movie...It's a Wonderful Life

Tradition...spending the day with family, hearing the Christmas story read

Food...creamed potatoes my Grandma Lundgren made for years and years, now my Aunt or I does the honor

Lights...all one color, white, blue or green

Ornament...the ones my Mom and Dad have given me...they all have meaning

Memory...times with family

I hope you all felt blessed this Christmas season because we truly are. I know life is not perfect but remember if God brought you to it he will bring you through it!

Breast Reduction Update #2

Today is post-op day #12. I wish I could say that my pain was all gone and I never thought that this far after surgery I would still be having pain, but I am. Of course, it is not as extreme as it was. It is sometimes sharp pains that make me feel like I cannot breathe. It is sometimes an aching feeling that hurts and hurts. It is sometimes in one spot but sometimes all over. However, there are 2 pains that are so much better...my back and neck. My back has hurt because sleeping on my back in one position is not always comfortable but that has only happened once or twice. I cannot wait for this pain to be gone. I cannot wait to be healed better and to be able to wear something than a sports bra. I cannot wait to sleep on my stomach. I cannot wait to go shopping for new bras and shirts. I will be patient though as I still have a long time to go until I am completely healed. It will also take time for my breasts to look natural, usually 6 months. I can wait though...because I am THRILLED with my new breasts.

By the way...I don't have any after pictures with my shirt on so I will not be posting any pictures here until I do. I have a bunch of before and afters that are nude. I have shared them because I am very open about and proud of my surgery.

Post Surgery Appointment #2

I went to my second post-op appointment on Tuesday, December 23. I was glad to be going because I had some questions regarding what was going on with my breasts. The appointment went well. Dr. Monacelli (my plastic surgeon) is pleased with my healing. He checked a red area I was concerned was an infection. He said he did not think it was an infection but natural healing. However, to make sure, he prescribed cephalexin just to make sure. I have also had some serious, serious pain in my right nipple. He examined that and said I have a hypersensitive nipple. He said that time and massage (which he will teach me at a later date) will change that. After the examination I told him thank you so much. I told him that my pain is so much better. I told him that my life has changed and I am very happy. He said you're welcome with a huge smile on his face. I am truly so thankful that I have had the opportunity to have this surgery. It has changed so much for me already. I cannot even imagine what the long-term affects are going to be but I cannot wait to find out!

My Mom's surgery has been so rough on me!!!!!

Breast Reduction Update #1 - Not feeling well

It has not been the greatest day. I am in pain and I just in general feel like crap. I know that I should not expect to feel wonderful but I really did not think I would feel this way. :(

Post Surgery Appointment #1

I was so glad I was going back to the plastic surgeon's office today. First, I was anxious to see what my breasts looked like and second I was having a lot of pain that did not seem my pain killer was even touching. Mom and I went to McDonald's, my pain was so bad I did not even want to eat...I love McDonald's usually! So off to the plastic surgeon's office we go. They ask how I am, I tell them I am having a lot more pain than I anticipated. The nurse and surgeon then cut the ace bandage off from me, pulled the gauze away and there were my new breasts. I could only see them from the top but Mom got a great view...such a great view that she started crying and then told the surgeon they are beautiful. The surgeon said they looked great and he would not need to see me on Friday. Instead he will see me next Tuesday. By the way...some of my pain was relieved when the tight ace bandage was taken off. The entire ride home I was anxious to see my boobs. When we got here one of my aides from work was here to bring me somethings. I pulled my sweatshirt back and showed her. The first thing we did when we got into the house was to take my bra off, let me look at them and then take a picture, I am documenting this in pictures. I thought they look a little funky but so much better than before and they will change...after all, it is only he first day after surgery. So I cannot keep my hands of my new boobs, partially because they are great and the other reason because I feel like I m massaging or touching the pain away.

I have had a few episodes today where I did not believe that I had a breast reduction and cannot believe that my boobs are so much smaller and nicer. It is weird! However, I am so glad I had it done!

Surgery Day Story

On the morning of my surgery, I arrived at the hospital at 6:20. At around 6:30 I was taken back to my room. Things went quite quickly from there. I gave them a urine sample for a pregnancy test then immediately changed into my gown. The gowns were really cool. The hospital just started using these gowns called Bair Paws. Basically it is a gown that has portholes. A tube goes in, you get a remote control to determine the air temperature. It has a really calming effect. Throughout the next hour several nurses, an aide and the anesthesiologist came in. About 15 minutes before surgery my plastic surgeon came in to mark me up. At this point I had already been given some nausea medication and had patch behind my ear for nausea so I was feeling a little tired. It seemed like it took him forever to do the markings. One thing about the markings that shocked me was just how far up he was moving my nipples! It was 2 ½ - 3 inches! He also had to initial each breast because it is state law. About 10 minutes after he was done with the markings I was taken to the operating room. I don’t remember much just looking at the room for a minutes and then having a mask put over my face, a couple deep breathes and that was it. Waking up was horrible for me. My throat hurt really, really bad and I was also have pain on the scale of approximately a 9. I was given 3 vicodin and 2 shots of something I my IV. I was still having trouble with pain. One thing that helped was that I was laying far down in the bed and when they put the head of the bed up it made a little pain go away. They asked if I wanted to come home and I said yes so the nurse called my PS and asked what to give me. While she was waiting for him to I got up and walked to the bathroom. It was not nice to discover that I could not reach behind me. When I got back to my room she gave me a shot of something (D something) as a stronger, longer lasting pain killer. They monitored me for 30 minutes, my husband helped me get dressed and went to get the car while an orderly and my mother-in-law took me to meet the car. The ride home was ok. The bumps hurt. I sat in the front seat with a blanket across my boobs and my seatbelt on. One I was home Iaid down, got up, laid down, got up. I was so restless and I guess I still am. The hydrocodone he gave me is not working as well as I anticipated. I expected to be uncomfortable but not In pain like I am. I go back at 2 this afternoon to have my bandage taken off and a bra put on. I am really anxious to see what the girls look like. My Mom is going with me too and is equally excited. My Mom was at my house when I got home. She was telling my husband and I about how good I looked in the breast area as soon as she saw me. She asked me if the pain was what I thought it would be…my answer…nope, did not know it would hurt this bad. I don’t remember seeing the surgeon after surgery. He talked to my husband and mother-in-law. He said the surgery went well, minimal bleeding and he took off a little under 4 pounds. The surgery took 4 hours which was longer than anticipated. He had told my family 3 hours. I guess that is all I can think of for now.

OTR

Surgery is one! It has been a very long day and I am having quite a bit of pain but it is over. I will tell you all about it tomorrow or in a few days when I am more up to it. Thanks for all the prayers!

Augge and the new phone

I set my phone to say read, 1, 2, 3 before it takes a picture. Augge is completely enthralled by it! He sits there and looks at it and looks at it. I don't think he can figure out what is going on in that little black box. Here is a picture of him that I took with my phone.

The day before

24 hours from now I should be 1 hour and 15 minutes into my surgery. I cannot believe time has gone by so fast. Yesterday I was thinking about just how fast it was gone. Just 5 months ago I was laying on the couch, taking vicodin recovering from my back surgery. Now I am preparing for a surgery that will hopefully change my life. To be honest this was not an easy decision for me to make. Of course I wanted to have it done but there are so many thoughts I have had through this journey...Many people will not understand because it truly is a "big breast thing".

I have feelings about my big breasts...
My breasts have always been something not many people had so they made me feel special in some sort of weird way. When I felt fat and ugly there were the boobs...the one thing about me that was attractive to the opposite sex. At the same time I am so sick of back aches and neck pain. Along with the neck pain comes headaches. I love to garden...do you know how hard it is to do this when you can only work in the flowers for a half an hour at a time and when you do it you can barely walk because your back hurts so bad? I am also sick of not being able to wear what I want, no button up shirts, dresses that fit right on top but not on bottom or vice versa. I am sick of my shoulders hurting from my bra cutting into them. I am sick of my breasts getting in the way all the time. I am sick of not being able to find a sports bra to work out in. I am sick of spending so much money on bras. I am sick of not being able to find a pretty bra but instead a bra that is a basic color with 4-5 hooks in the back. I am sick of not being able to wear a cute little bra and panty set because they don't make them with my size bra. I am sick of people (not just men) looking at me and seeing my breasts instead of me. I am sick of them.

Along with these thoughts come worries of what is to come...
Will I be happy with smaller breasts. Of course I am going to love the perkiness that comes with a reduction but what if I don't like my new breasts? What if Dustin hates my new breasts? What then, you just can't have them put back in. What if my back and neck pain does not get a lot better? (Although from everything I have heard and read it will get better immediately) Will I think I am too small? Will I get depressed as many women do?

Along with these thoughts come the thoughts that I am so excited about...
I will be able to buy a sports bra. Maybe I will finally be able to run...yeah, I have asthma but that can be controlled as long as I don't have to run holding my breasts. Maybe I will finally feel comfortable working out. Maybe I can finally lose this weight that I have wanted to lose so long? I will finally be able to buy bras and panty sets. I will finally be able to wear button up shirts without a cami underneath. I will not be embarassed about sagging, huge breasts. I won't put a bra on as soon as I get up and take it off right before I go to bed because I am embarassed. I will have a new big breast free life.

All in all, I am so excited about tomorrow. I wish it was over but soon enough it will be. I cannot wait to complete my recovery and be the new me.

Angels Everywhere

I think there are angels everywhere. I think God sends us angels when we need them. I am not talking about angels in Heaven but, instead, angels on earth. The last 2 months have been very, very rough for me. There are times when I felt like nothing was ever going to get better, times when I did not know what to do next, times when I felt like I had nowhere to turn. At those low points, God has sent me angels. A few of my angels...

Stacy...just last night I was on surfing the web feeling very low. The day had been terrible and once again, I let Satan get to me and my emotions. Just then a message popped up from Stacy. She told me God put me on her mind today and that she is praying for me. My angel...of course I cried but after that I felt a little lighter and my heart did not feel as heavy. Thank you for being my angel, Stacy. I love you!

Mom...My Mom has been my angel so many times I cannot even count. Recently, her love, prayers and support has gotten me through some rough times. She will be with me for three days after my surgery providing support in that manner as well. Thank you for being my angel, Mom. I love you!

Those are just 2 examples of the angels that have entered my life. Of course there have been many more, My Grandma, the women from SS, etc.

When things get tough remember that you have angels too. You may not see them or hear from them but they are there.

Also, remember to be an angel to someone else. When you know someone is going through a tough time reach out to them. Reach out to others you care for, you never know what is going on in their lives.

I searched for some quotes on angels and found the following. They don't have a specific author listed but I got them at http://www.dltk-bible.com/angels/angel_quotes.htm.

"An angel is someone who raises your spirits! A TRUE FRIEND"

"An angel is someone you feel like you've known forever, even though you've just met."

"An angel is someone you're always happy to bump into."

"An angel's art is his heart."

"Angels are always memorable because they never forget what really matters."

"Angels are bright lights in the midst of our lives."

"Angels encourage everyone in the right direction...up."

"Angels have a hidden agenda....LOVE."

"Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them."

"Angels walk softly and carry a big presence."

"Anyone can be an angel... to you."

"Anyone who helps you grow is an angel."

"You don't have to die to become an angel."

The Angels
May angels rest beside your door,
May you hear their voices sing.
May you feel their loving care for you,
May you hear their peace bells ring.
May angels always care for you,
And not let you trip and fall,
May they bear you up on angel's wings,
May they keep you standing tall.
May they whisper wisdom in your ear,
May they touch you when you need,
May they remove from you each trace of fear,
May they keep you from feeling greed.
May they fill you with their presence,
May they show you love untold,
May they always stand beside you And make you ever bold.
May they teach you what you need to know About life here and here-after.
May they fill you always with their love And give you the gift of laughter

We need prayer

I have hesitated to write this here, not sure why but I decided to do it regardless of my thoughts not to. Dustin and I are having a lot of problems right now. I am praying we can get through this rough patch but I really just don't know. I feel sick about what is going on and I have even thought about canceling my surgery but I know I need to have it. I don't know what to do anymore. Please pray for both of us.

Did you see it?

My ticker at the bottom of the page? Did you see that is says 7 days until my surgery? One week from this moment, if everything goes according to planned, I will be ending my third hour of surgery. I cannot believe it is so close! Remember when you were a child...you would get really excited about Christmas weeks before Christmas was actually here? I feel the same way...I am so excited I can barely sleep! One of the secretaries I work with asked if I was ready. Of course, I told her how excited I am. She told me I have a twinkle in my eyes. Oh I cannot wait!

My New Phone

It might be pathetic when a blogger turns to talking about her new phone but hey, I am in love with my new phone so I wanted to share. This is in no way a plug for Verizon or LG. :)

I got the EnV2 on Wednesday and I can barely make myself put it down! In case you don't know what it looks like, here is a picture.

I know, I know, it is beautiful! What a piece of craftsmanship! ;)

So in honor of the new phone, who I just might name (seriously, hey I am 32 have no kids and I kiss my dog on the mouth, I can name my phone!), I will be having Tales of the New Phone throughout the next few days...or maybe longer.

The count down has now really started!

Today I had my pre-op appointment at the hospital where I am having my surgery. I have never been to this hospital so I was a little nervous. I did not even know where the hospital was so that made me a little more nervous. I made it in about 1 hour which I did not think was bad. I got to the hospital at around 12:30 which was a half an hour early. I had brought a book so I sat there and read. At 12:40 I decided to go in so I could go to the bathroom before my appointment. While I was washing my hands I looked in the mirror to see a horrible rash on my chest! It was all red and splotchy. It was also on my arms. I was so nervous that for some reason they would think it was a rash I have had and it would keep me from having surgery. I went, did paperwork and about 15 minutes later was taken in to meet with my nurses. There was a male and female nurse. The male nurse took my blood pressure and blood, the female went over all the paperwork with me and gave me directions. The first thing the male nurse asked is if I was Stephanie Roach the surgeon. There is an orthopedic surgeon in Ithaca named Stephanie Roach. She also recently started working in the area I am from. I have been asked before, more seriously if I was her. I just say I wish. Anyway...I said I wish. He said no, I knew you weren't here before I even saw you because she would not need to have the same surgery you are having. I laughed and laughed then said...well, I have never met her but now I know one thing about what she looks like. Anyway...my blood pressure was 150/100. Now I have high blood pressure but it has never been this high. When I went to my regular Dr. last week it was 126/82. I told him I was really nervous. He said the other nurse would check it at the end of my appointment. So went the rest of the appointment...history of surgeries, medication I am on, instructions, health problems, allergies, etc. It was not a bad appointment at all. We laughed and joked. I was so sure my blood pressure would be great at the end but guess what...it was 147/96! I cannot believe it was so high! I was afraid that the high blood pressure would keep me from having surgery. The nurse said there was a cutoff but not to worry because she would make sure we got it below the cut off. She checked the cutoff and PTL my blood pressure was below that. So...pending a pregnancy test (which I am 99.9999999% sure will be negative) and me getting better (which I am) and not getting sick again I am set to go. 12 days and counting!

Appointment #2 and misc. surgery stuff

I just realized that I have not posted about appointment #2. This was the appointment with my plastic surgeon (that sounds so weird, me, have a plastic surgeon). It was nothing like I anticipated. It was about an hour long. For the most part we went over a ton of paperwork. He did all the orders for the hospital including meds to give me before and after surgery. We talked about what pain killers I have taken before and got a prescription for fill prior to the surgery. We also talked about instructions prior to and after the surgery. The first week after my surgery I have a lot of appointments. Surgery is Monday the 15. My first appointment will be on Tuesday the 16. At this appointment the ace bandage will be taken off me. The plastic surgeon will put a bra on me. I will need to wear that 24/7 except for when I am showering for quite a while. I will have another appointment on Friday the 19 and yet another one on Tuesday the 23. I am glad I have so many because it will help set my mind at ease. After that I will have one a week for 2-3 weeks, a 3 month, 6 month and 1 year. The one thing that happened at my appointment was him asking me what method I wanted him to use. There is a lollipop (Le Jour) incision and an anchor incision. He gave me the pros and cons for both and left it up to me. I told him I would call and let him know. I think I have decided on the anchor method. This is traditional, more incisions but it seems he has done more of these and I am more comfortable with thsi method. It also seems to have the less "bad" effects. I will be calling Monday or Tuesday to let him know.

I have purchased my pillows for my recovery. I got a wedge and 2 firm king size pillows (I cannot believe the price of king pillowcases. Thank goodness I got them on sale). I also bought 2 body pillows for our bed upstairs and might use them in recovery. Also, Dustin's mom bought me a "husband". At least that is what we called them. I cannot believe how much money I spend on pillows but if it helps make me comfortable it will be worth it.

As my surgery comes closer and closer please pray for a few things.

1. That my anxiety will be little.
2. That I continue not to smoke...it is so hard when I am nervous or anxious
3. That I will be prepared for Christmas and with meals
4. That my stress will be controlled
5. That I feel better, both my illness and my allergies

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers.

Sick and Rambling

Of course, wouldn't you know it...I am sick. I have 15 days left until my surgery and I am sick! Of course sickness comes at the most inconvenient of times...when you have a ton of things you need to do. Instead of worrying about not getting things done, I am resting so I get better quicker. All too often in the past I have pushed myself and gotten bronchitis. I certainly don't want it now! I have also decided not to stress...what happens if I don't get everything done? I will survive and I will make due. I am sure my Mom will be more than happy to wrap her Christmas gifts when she comes to stay with me after surgery :D Just kidding, hers will be done.

Speaking of Christmas...there is only 26 days left so if you haven't even thought about it you had better get going. Remember, time goes faster the older you get and you are a year old than you were last year! :D

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Check out my new...

counter. I saw a counter in another blog and thought it would be cool to have one. Of course, it could be very depressing too...seeing that I am really writing for not very many people. :D Oh well, as long as someone reads it besides me!

One down, two more to go

I had the first of three appointments prior to my breast reduction. This was a pre-op to make sure I am physically able to have surgery. I guess I am getting old because I have never had to have a check-up prior to surgery. I was really worried about it for some reason. I was thinking they would find some reason I would be unable to have surgery. However, all went well and I am in prime condition to have surgery. I am really excited.

Tomorrow should prove to be the most interesting appointment. It is the appointment with my plastic surgeon. I think I will get marked up and we will talk about post-op and all that stuff. I have a list of questions I want to ask him about recovery and what I need to get.

On December 3 I will be going to the hospital for my pre-admissions. I think this is odd because I have always done pre-admission things over the phone. However, nobody I know has been to this hospital. I don't even know where it is so it is good that I have to go there. I think it will cut down on some stress three weeks from today...yep, you heard it...THREE WEEKS FROM TODAY...that is 21 days...504 hours...30, 240 minutes...1, 814, 400 seconds...not that I am really counting or anything. :)

Nothing New

I have not posted in so long. Why, you ask? Because there really is not much to post about.

As you can tell there is 22 days left until my breast reduction. I am excited yet nervous. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to get cleared for surgery. On Tuesday I have an appointment with my plastic surgeon on Ithaca. I am looking forward to this appointment because I know it will give me a lot more information. On December 3 I have an appointment at the hospital for pre-admissions stuff. December 15 is the big day.

Dustin and I are hosting Thanksgiving. This will be out third year having Thanksgiving here. I am looking forward to it but wish I had more than me, myself and I to get the house and food ready. Oh well, at least it helps me get the house cleaned, one less thing I need to do before surgery.

We have had a ton of snow for November, well at least I think. Total we have probably had a foot of snow. However, now there is probably only 6 inches or less on the ground. The sun has been out and has melted a lot of it. Supposedly we are suppose to have more Monday night into Tuesday. I don't really know.

I guess that is it...as I said, really nothing new, just some rambling. :)

Happy Holidays???? Thoughts About Infertility During the Thanksgiving and Christmas Season"

Please read the above blog entry. It goes hand in hand with my previous post regarding infertility and the Holidays.

http://twondra.blogspot.com/2008/11/happy-holidays.html

Infertility and the Holidays

The Holiday Season is slowly (well, maybe not slowly) creeping upon us. I cannot help but think about all the blessed families who are sharing their Holidays with their children. I also cannot think about how I would love to be doing the same. I know there are thousands and thousands of other women who are thinking about the same thing. That brings me to thoughts on infertility and the Holidays. I don’t think people realize how many women around them are affected by infertility. You may not know a person affected by infertility but I am sure there is someone around you at some point holding on to that secret. It may be the woman at the grocery store or it may be the clerk at the post office. One just never knows.

I think everyone needs to become more aware of infertility. The following is just a snippet of information regarding infertility.

Infertility is “a disease or condition of the reproductive system often diagnosed after a couple has one year of unprotected, well-timed intercourse or if the woman suffers from multiple miscarriages. Infertility can be male or female related.” (http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer?pagename=lrn_wii_home)

· Affects approximately 10% of the population
· Can be a major life crisis
· It is often experienced as a private matter, and is not ordinarily discussed in public forums
· Infertility depression levels can rival those of cancer

The above information was found at http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer?pagename=lrn_wii_he

The Holiday Season can be a very, very difficult time for women and men suffering from this secret disease. It is often the hardest time of the year, a time when their loss is magnified. Please remember to be sensitive to their needs and emotions.

I urge you to find more information regarding infertility. I also, if you know someone personally dealing with infertility, urge you to find more information on how to support him/her. Here are some articles I have found and believe are worth reading.


Infertility Etiquett By Vita Alligood http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer?pagename=lrn_ffaf_ie

Infertility Myths and Facts http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer?pagename=lrn_ffaf_moi

How Can I Help? The Do's And The Dont's Of Support
By Diane Clapp, BSN, RN and Merle Bombardieri, LICSW http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer?pagename=lrn_ffaf_hcih

For those of you dealing with infertility my heart and prayers go out to you. I am amember of a wonderful community called Stepping Stones. "Stepping Stones is a Christian ministry offering support and information to couples facing infertility challenges or pregnancy loss." I recommend you check it out. You can find Stepping Stones at http://stepforums.bethany.org/

OTR

About a month ago I joined a message board for women who are going to or have had breast reductions. I am really glad I joined because I have learned so much and have gotten so many tips. The one thing I have been wondering about is OTR. Everyone keeps talking about being OTR. From reading it is obviously after surgery but for the life of me I could not even imagine what it stood for. After a little research I finally know. You probably won't find it as interesting as I did but I am going to tell you anyway.

OTR means Over the Rainbow. Why you ask? It refers to Judy Garland's chest in the Wizard of Oz. Apparently, her chest was wrapped so she'd appear flat-chestedto make her look more like a little girl.

My quick change act

I went to a wedding on Saturday. After the wedding I got in my Jeep and decided to take a drink of the pumpkin cappuccino in there from earlier that day (I love cold coffee and cappuccino). Well as I tipped the cup back I felt something cold run down the front of me. Yep, you guessed it, PUMPKIN CAPPUCCINO! Boy was I mad, it was on my pants, shirt and the seat. Thank goodness I was only about 12 minutes from home because I was able to get home, change and get to the reception before the bride and groom!

Thoughts on my Breast Reduction

As everyone probably knows I will be having a breast reduction. My thoughts lately seemed to be consumed a lot about my coming surgery. I will be having surgery on December 15 at 10:45. I have been told the surgery will last between 3-4 hours. I have been told I will be going home that night unless I experience problems with nausea or pain. In a way, I want to go home so I can be in the comfort of my own home. However, in another way I want to stay in the hospital. My Mom has taken Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday off after my surgery to stay at our house if we need her. Dustin will probably be laid off by then too so I am not sure what is going to happen. I have been told to plan on taking 3-4 weeks off work. If I go back the day we return from break that will be 3 weeks exactly. I did ask my plastic surgeon if I could go back at least for half days the fourth week if he won't let me go full-time.

I am nervous and anxious about my surgery. However, I am very excited too!

Made in the USA: Spoiled Brats

This article is old but still very relevant.

Made in the USA: Spoiled brats
Posted: November 20, 20061:00 am Eastern
By Craig R. Smith© 2008

The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right? The same magazine that employs Michael (Qurans in the toilets at Gitmo) Isikoff. Here I promised myself this week I would be nice and I start off in this way. Oh what a mean man I am.
The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the president. In essence 2/3s of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change.
So being the knuckle dragger I am, I starting thinking, ''What we are so unhappy about?''
Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter? Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job? Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?
Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state? Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter? I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all involved. Whether you are rich or poor they treat your wounds and even, if necessary, send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.
Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home, you may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of having a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes; an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world? Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.
Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.
I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled brats safe from terrorist attacks? The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me?
Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.
So why then the flat out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells. Just ask why they are going to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book and do a TV special about how he didn't kill his wife but if he did … insane!
Stop buying the negative venom you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.
I close with one of my favorite quotes from B.C. Forbes in 1953:
''What have Americans to be thankful for? More than any other people on the earth, we enjoy complete religious freedom, political freedom, social freedom. Our liberties are sacredly safeguarded by the Constitution of the United States, 'the most wonderful work ever struck off at a given time by the brain and purpose of man.' Yes, we Americans of today have been bequeathed a noble heritage. Let us pray that we may hand it down unsullied to our children and theirs.''
I suggest this Thanksgiving we sit back and count our blessings for all we have. If we don't, what we have will be taken away. Then we will have to explain to future generations why we squandered such blessing and abundance. If we are not careful this generation will be known as the ''greediest and most ungrateful generation.'' A far cry from the proud Americans of the ''greatest generation'' who left us an untarnished legacy.

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=53028

The only thing I have to say right now is...

GO VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Has it really been three years?

I have not posted about the anniversary of one of the most sad times of my entire life. Why? I am not sure. Maybe I was, in a way, trying to forget it. Maybe I did not want to post it for anyone in the world to see. Whatever my subconscious reasons are, I have decided to post about it.

Three years ago on Monday, October 27 I underwent emergency surgery a short 10 days after we found out I was pregnant. I had surgery because of a suspected ectopic pregnancy. The surgery resulted in the loss of a tube. Needless to say, I was devastated. As I laid in bed on Sunday night I was brought back to the night before my surgery. Dustin and his Mom took me to the hospital at 8:30 PM. This was after I had gone to the doctor's earlier that day because I was cramping and bleeding. The prognosis of the doctor's visit and ultrasound was not good. Anyway, back the that night. Around 2AM after another ultrasound I was put into an unused part of the ER so I could get some sleep before my doctor came in at 6:30 to talk to me and perform surgery. I really believe this is the worst night I have ever spent. I did not sleep a wink. The entire night it was all I could do to keep from screaming because of the emotional pain I was feeling. My mind was racing. I thought, maybe I would not have the surgery, maybe the baby is still ok, maybe it is not an ectopic pregnancy. I knew what needed to be done but it was the most difficult decision I have ever made. In a sense I felt like I was killing my baby by making the decision to have the surgery. Of course, deep down, I knew I had to make the decision I made but try telling that to a woman that is going through what I went through.

Obviously, the recovery was very difficult. I remember the feeling of devastation. I remember sitting in a chair handing out candy 4 nights later and not wanting to be there. I remember the sleepless nights. I remember the physical and emotional pain. I remember thinking, maybe my baby is not really gone and I am still pregnant. I remember going back to work 8 days later to hear stupid comments like "at least you weren't that far along" or "it is not like it was a baby". I remember the urge to scream and scream. I remember the urge to run away from everyone and everything that I knew and was familiar with. I also remember the love shown to me by my friends and family. I remember the beautiful clouds I saw a few days later. I remember sitting outside at night looking at the stars picking out my baby's star as my Mom showed me to do after my Grandpa had passed away. (To this day, I do that) I remember knowing I was going to be ok I just did not know when. I remember the Ship Story Salina told me (that still helps me in some situations). I remember that the night before Halloween that year, Dustin made me carve pumpkins. I remember how happy that made me. I remember the good and the horrible.

Although it is one of the worst times of my life, it lead to a wonderful thing, my return to God. The One who never forgot me but the One I nearly forgot. I have leaned on Him so many times since then. I am so thankful I found my way back even if it was because of what I consider a tragedy.

The pain comes each year but each year it is feels a little better. I will never forget my first baby. The comfort of knowing my baby is in Heaven with his/her Great Grandma and Great Grandpa and, of course, God is a comfort to me.

I will leave you with 2 poems I wrote shortly after my miscarriage (yes, it was a miscarriage and not an ectopic pregnancy, I found out a few months later).

Bright, Shining Star
Bright, shining star,
Showing down from Heaven,
Do you know how much you are loved,
Though you were here such a short time?

Bright, shining star,
Showing down from Heaven,
Do you know how much I miss you,
Though you were here such a short time?

Bright, shining star,
Showing down from Heaven,
Do you know the plans I had
Though you were here such a short time?

Bright, shining star,
Showing down from Heaven,
Do you know how much I want to hold, touch, and kiss you,
Though you were here such a short time?

Bright, shining star,
Showing down from Heaven,
Do you know how much I wanted to get to know you
Though you were here such a short time?

Bright, shining star,
Showing down from Heaven,
You are my first child and always will be
Though you were here such a short time!

Untitled Poem
Nausea
Sadness
Heart-break
Hurt
Pain
Loss
Fear
Weakness
Empty arms
Empty womb
Empty heart
From this, someday springs…
Hope

A Rough Weekend for BOCES

Wow, I went to work today to find out about 4 incidents that happened to people associated with the BOCES I work at.

#1 - Steve, who graduated from BOCES 2 years ago was killed in the car accident. He was also a volunteer fireman with Dustin.

#2 - Heather, a current student, was in an accident and was life flighted to a Syracuse hospital. She has head injuries, broken bones in her back and a few other things. She is currently in critical condition.

#3 - A former teacher from BOCES passed away.

#4 - Chris (55), a former secretary at BOCES, died in her sleep.

I guess it is another reminder that we never know what tomorrow brings, or even what the next hour brings. God takes loved one when He is ready for them. Make today count. Help someone. Let someone know you love them. Write that letter or email you have been putting off. Treasure what you have because you don't know how long you will have it.

I want to thank all of you regular readers. You have all been a great source of encouragement to me. You are all a very important part of my life! I love you all!

Please pray for The injured girl and the families of all of the mentioned.

Sit Around or Get Moving??????

So I gained weight this past week. I am not surprised with all the pumpkin cookies I ate! But boy, oh boy were they ever good. So I sit here today, feeling a little down and fat, thinking about how I am feeling. I came to the conclusion that I have two choices. I can...

#1 - Sit around and feel sorry for myself and about how I feel

OR

#2 - I can get off my butt, get to the gym, eat right and lose this weight, making me feel better about me.

So Monday I am embarking on the journey yet again. The journey to a new, better, healthier, thinner me.

Just for Ten Days

Just for ten days I knew what it was like to be pregnant.

Just for ten days I was excited about the life growing inside of me.

Just for ten days I wondered, boy or girl.

Just for ten days I thought about what name we would give our child.

Just for ten days I dared to dream.

Ten glorious days

Turned to sadness

Then to, God gave hope

And we continue on

Just 10 days

I would not change.

One of my Hobbies

I just realized that I have not really posted about one of my hobbies...flower gardening. I love to garden. I get so excited when I see my bulbs start to come up in the Spring, closely followed by my perennials. I love being able to plant my annuals and watch them grow as well. However, I tend to get a little sad in the Fall when I know the end of the flowering season is coming. Just at the right time my Mums take over and make me smile again.

Having a beautiful garden is no easy task. In the fall pulling out, trimming back and mulching takes a lot of time. In the Spring the beginning of weeding, Spring into Summer...more planting and more weeding. Who could forget the watering? Dry summers are tough, watering every night or morning is quite a chore but well worth it when the beautiful results are seen.

Fort Stanwix National Monument

After we left the campsite on Monday we stopped in Rome, NY at Fort Stanwix National Monument. I love US History so this was more my idea but Dustin obliged me. I learned about the history and really enjoyed visiting it. I would love to go to the reenactment either Novebmer 8 or 9 but I am not sure Dustin is into that. I guess I need to find someone who would enjoy it as much as I would. Here are some pictures.

Pictures from Delta Lake

We are back. We did not want to come back because we had a great time and we did not want it to end. But all good things must end...eventually. Here are some pictures from our weekend.

Our campsite


The view of the lake from our campsite


Dustin sleeping in.


Dustin and Augge


From my kayak...if you look carefully you can see a crane in flight. At one point I was close enough to see his throat ripple when he was eating.


Dustin and Augge playing fetch.


Part of our kayaking trip.


Augge and Myself


Sunset from the woods when we were hiking


Sunset from the shore


Foliage


Augge swimming


Augge after swimming


Moon and foliage (a little blurry because it was getting dark and I had to use a special setting)


Augge exhausted from our trip

Happy Anniversary to Us!

In about 1 hour we will be headed to Delta Lake near Rome, New York camping for the weekend. Our anniversary was the 8th so this is our anniversary trip. Be ready for pictures when we return.

I hope everyone has a great long weekend!

Please check this out!

Please read "You Decide..." a post in one of my friends' blogs. It is a post for those who cannot speak for themselves. It is a very important and thought provoking post. Read and share it with others! Lets get the word out!

http://sixdayswithtyler.blogspot.com/2008/10/womens-rights-really.html

Cardboard Testimonies (Worth the few minutes to watch!)

Take a look...

at my quit smoking meter at the bottom of the page. I am quite excited about the numbers!!!!

Also, and more importantly, Dustin was saying tonight he is going to try to quit smoking and smoked his last cigarette. This is something he struggles with because he drives all day, which makes it a lot harder. Please pray he is able to quit smoking, if not now, eventually. Thank you!

Foster Care

I know I have been focused on other things and have not mentioned foster care in a very long time. The main reason I have not mentioned it is because any steps we were taking to be foster parents has come to a hault. There are fears on foster care Dustin is not ready to face, giving a child back after parenting them for a year, is one of those fears. I have to admit that giving a child back scares me as well. We also feel there are things we need to take care of before brining a foster child into our home.

It seems that this door is closed for now. I am not sure why God has allowed it to be closed but I do know it is His will. That brings me to a verse that often comes to mind because it seems like that is all I am doing these days. I will have to admit though, it is not always patiently I am waiting.

Psalm 40:1 I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.

All I want for Christmas is...

No, not my two front teeth...I already have them! I want a gift certificate or two (or three) to Victoria's Secret because, finally, I will be able to get some pretty bras that fit! I also want money for new clothes. Why the new clothes? Well, I have 12 weeks until my surgery. If I lose 2 pounds a week that will be 24 pounds gone. That, combined with my reduction means...Stephanie needs some new clothes! I will be so easy to shop for this year! :)

Well that was fast!

I called my plastic surgeon's (how weird is it to write that!) office this morning. I told her what day I wanted to have my surgery. She said she would have to get back to me. She said it would probably be a few days. Well...she just called. I cannot believe it was that fast. Here is the run down...

November 25 - Appointment at the office
December 3 - Appointment at the hospital

and for the big day...

December 15 at 10:45 so if things go well by December 15 at 3:00 I should be in or on my way to the recovery room.

Now I feel a little sick to my stomach because of all I have to do! Here is my list...

Get everything ready for Christmas...early!
Have the house very, very clean so Dustin only has to maintain
Make some meals and freeze them so it will be easier for Dustin

I know I have a ton of time but if you know me well you also know I am a planner so I will need to start planning now!

The letter finally came!

I received the letter from my insurance company regarding my breast reduction today. IT WAS APPROVED! I guess I really should not be surprised but I am. Tomorrow I am going to call the office to see what the next step is. I really, really want to get the surgery scheduled. This might mean I need to add another ticker at the bottom, if I can find one for that sort of thing. :)

1st Infertility Stamp

I wanted to draw attention to the addition on the right side of my blog. It is thought to be the world's first infertility stamp. It is from Portugal. Here is an excerpt of the article I got the picture from...

"In March, 2008, Portugal's postal authority CTT Correios de Portugal, S.A. may have made postal history when it issued the stamp shown on the left. It is thought that this stamp was the first ever stamp specifically issued to raise awareness of the struggles of infertility. In a March, 2008, article in Linn's Stamp News, the de-facto industry standard for philatelic news, suggests that this is, in fact, the first stamp on this topic.

Infertility is the inability of a couple to conceive a child or, if conceived, the inability to successfully carry the child to delivery. The condition is usually associated with strong emotions such as angst, grief, anger, a sense of incompleteness, and depression. The emotional impact to the affected individual or couple can be devastating."...

"The stamp issued by Portugal is beautifully designed and conveys the hopes of infertile couples with its imagery. The stamp shows a stylized silhouette image of a man and woman embracing a child. The image of the child is almost ghost-like in appearance, symbolizing the hope for the child, yet at the same time highlighting the fragility of conception for infertile couples."

From: Is This the World's First Infertility Postage Stamp? http://www.stampsofdistinction.com/2008/06/is-this-worlds-first-infertility.html

Boo Hoo

So I went to the nutritionist yesterday and much to my dismay I gained 3 of my 5 pounds back. I was really upset about the gain. I will admit, I cried. I knew that I was not doing that well but I did not really think I was going to gain 3 pounds back! I have some plans for losing the 3 pounds again, keeping it gone, and losing more. I will post more about that later.

Fillmore Glen

Dustin and I went camping last Saturday night with another couple. Although it was only one night we still had a great time. On Sunday we kayaked about 3 hours. We had a lot of fun doing that too. It was nice to finally get to camp, a little late in the season but still fun. I wish we had a few more months to camp!

Dustin and I in front of falls at Fillmore Glen



Owasco Lake Inlet, part of what we kayaked. Unfortunately, we were blocked from going this way because of the fallen tree so we chose to go back and around the other way.


Dustin explaining about the above tree.